In truth, we have two mothers. One, our biological mother, who birthed us into this world. Her physical body created our physical body and our dna. Two, our cosmical mother, who we share our soul essence with, the Pachamama. Our birth mother is a human being like us, having her own human life experience and often carrying personal wounding and suffering from this lifetime. The Pachamama on the other hand, is the pure, eternal energy of the feminine Mother. She is the moist, damp soil, the flowers and plants. She is our Earth Mother and her energy flows within our bodies as the divine feminine.
In many indigenous cultures, it is understood that the role of birth mother is to care for our physical body and the role of cosmic mother is to care for our energy body. We need the combination of these connections flowing in our lives from infancy to be well.
My original wounding was with my birth mother, a relationship that has been complex and challenging. My memories during infancy were feeling, I was unworthy of my Mothers love. Her stories have always been different than my memories, for she has said, the day you were born was the best day of my life. But in my being, this never felt like my truth. What was missing? This exact question is what set me onto a path of searching for my truth.
In many ways, I feel my mother believed that having me would heal the broken parts of herself, and in some ways it has. For we are each others greatest teachers in this lifetime. Yet, as a baby, and a child, I was often lost in an abyss, my soul path being put aside and my new mission failing, as I could not save my mother. This followed me my whole life, this role I had taken on, trying to mother my Mother. Because of this I often felt parts of my childhood were lost and many memories were consciously blocked.
In my adolescent years I continued to struggle in our relationship. Being in her presence brought me tremendous anger and beneath this, grief. I learned that because of the emotional pain and experiences during my infancy and childhood, I never wanted to be a Mother. The thought of being a mother was actually terrifying. But this was only on the outside. In the inside, I was able to see especially during plant medicine ceremony, that my soul longed to be a mother in this lifetime. This was in fact my life's work, to heal this part of myself. The fears I once carried have passed with my healing. For the past decade, I have dedicated my life to healing the feminine within me and my feminine lineage. I have done this through deepening my connection with Mother Earth and angelic feminine forces.
When I look over my life, I see that the moments of deep healing always happen for me in Peru. I know that when the land calls me back, there is more work to do. I follow this call for as a healer, I have dedicated my life to healing myself and supporting the healing of others. Returning to Peru these past years, the truth surfaced as I saw myself as an infant and the vibrational pattern I carried for many years - looking outside of myself for love.
A great gift I received was my sister birthing her daughter, my niece Mae. It was through her birth that everything came full circle. I remember one of the first times I held Mae in her room, singing mantras in Sanskrit while she was sleeping in my arms. I remember saying to her, I love you, thank you for coming, for blessing my life, you are truly a miracle from Spirit. A few moments later her spirit spoke to me, I chose you as my aunt to help you heal yourself. With her birth has come a new wave of healing, especially witnessing the sacred relationship between mother and baby. It has taken many years, and our relationship is by no means perfect, but I deeply love my mother, for the beautiful soul she is and for her courage to bring me into this world. This is what I’ve learned,
The role of Mother is to reflect back to the baby the love that lives within its being. When these capacities are built during infancy, the baby will grow knowing that divine love lives inside of him/her.
As a triple Earth sign (Sun in Virgo, Moon in Taurus, Ascendant in Capricorn) I was born carrying the medicine of the Earth. For this reason my path has blossomed into that of a Curandera, a healer who heals through her connection with the Earthly plants and with the Spirit forces of the Cosmic Mother. All of the therapies I have used for my personal healing I share in my Individual Sessions and Womb Healing Ceremonies. There are cleansings to heal your lineage, practices to deepen your connection with Mother Earth, using plants and flowers to bless your subtle body, and meditations for forgiveness and healing your heart. Healing is possible and above all, we must always have faith.